It
is now 8 weeks since I completed the 24 hour swim and it has taken me
this long to write about it because I still find it difficult to reflect on it and think
about it in any great detail.
My only thought in the two or three days afterwards was: "It's done." All I felt (apart from pain) was relief. I thought perhaps this would pass and some sense of satisfaction and achievement would kick in at some point. But it hasn't by now so I guess it never will. And so I write about it.
When I told people what I was planning to do this year, they’d look at
me quizzically and just ask, "Why?" And whilst I knew it was a training swim for the future, it needed to be a bit more in order to get my own brain engaged with it. I still never had a good answer to the question, though, and it proved a difficult swim to ever be excited by.
Week after week and month after month, I trained in chlorinated pools, giving up my regular salt water fix. The comfort I took from this was that I knew I was always going to get in a warm pool (helpful when getting up on those cold winter mornings) and I was never going to have to battle surf and bluebottles when training.
But all year, the swim
loomed before me, providing none of the usual sense of excitement but
filling me with fear instead and a terrible sense of claustrophobia. Maybe it was the fear of just swimming up and down for 24 hours with nowhere to go and no real purpose? On so many occasions I was ready to quit, as training swims left me in a panic. If I couldn’t swim for 15 minutes, how could I possibly swim
for 24 hours? This was insane. And why was I putting myself through this? Doubly insane.
This is one of my favourite photos:
Somewhere in between those two kayaks is a dot: 'me'. This photo
was taken by James Goins during one of my training swims for the Channel. James
had swum from Shelly Beach to Dee Why with me, with Millie
& Margie on kayaks for support. James hopped out at Dee Why and
took this picture from the cliff top of my return trip to Manly. I still
look at this picture with a sense of wonder and
disbelief. But most of all, this picture sums up everything I love about ocean swimming: the openness, the freedom, the escape from our ordinary, contained lives.
Swimming in a pool for 24 hours was the opposite of all the freedom this picture represents.
The main reason for doing this swim at Homebush, though (apart from the chance to raise some money for a great cause) is that there is another long swim in the planning – back there, out in the
wide ocean. So this provided me a safe environment in which to learn what it would be like to swim for 24 hours. I could get out when I wanted to, eat
food on dry land, have a chat to friends along the way. The
lights would be on all night, ensuring my body never felt like it was bedtime, and which would hopefully make swimming through the night easier. There
were lots of things to learn on this swim and I had to focus on that whenever I questioned why I was doing it.
So,
I had put myself through all the training, and I was about to put myself through swimming for a whole day and night. What would it be like?